ROLL OUT OF THE DEEP

 (09/11 Reflections)

I feel restlessness or discontentment in my heart.

I feel something is lacking; or wanting.  There is a void space urging to be filled up.

I cannot exactly articulate the fidgety; but I feel there is a brewing search inside.  An unexplainable “stirring” in my heart.

Yet, a big chunk of my brain also says to REST.  “Slow down.  Keep still … No! Do not jump yet but take in the moment.  For PATIENCE is a virtue that rings loudly in my head.”

After all, I just had my biggest LOSS this year … Mom! Not certain if I am ready for a gear change yet after such?  Cannot say If I am emotionally charged up to take my ground back again, even if I miss all the rides, the awesome ups & downs, that make up what LIFE is all about. 

For Y2021 threw me off-guard really BIGTIME, indeed (and so were others, too).  I believe this pause is to grieve … or to simply be safe (for all mankind) and wait for normalcy from this pandemic.

So, I am taking it real slow; keeping FAITH that “life would never cease to be huge ahead of me”. That it will remain vibrant as I momentarily simmer down.  For, probably, there are many BIG things out there for grab.  But, no, what is mine must probably wait … for now.

“So, let me take in the silence of the moment, then.  Ah, ironically, to bask in this solitude I always secretly wished for, long time ago, but never tried hard ever to seek before?  Now, the said stillness is here, whether by chance or, probably, by fate finding its place in my life.  So, enjoy the PRESENCE and, soon, bit by bit, I will be ready to roll out of the deep”.