"I lost ... but I survived. It's over, 2021!"

 Y2021 is unforgettable because I had my greatest LOSS this year - Mom.  But I survived! 

More than ever, this year reminded me what Mom has always said, “No matter how hard it is, the only way to deal with pain, hardship, and loss is to simply MOVE ON." 

So, I did! Sometimes, with a heavy heart; at times, with a fresh perspective. But always, I lived & embraced whatever emotions came my way.  And that was when I realized, as I did so, I was successfully LIVING my life … to the fullest.

“So! Mom has always been right!” 💝.  And I know she is elated to see that I got it! 👍

 Thus, “it is over, 2021”

"I got this!"  I know I will still cry, now & then.  But i also I know there are many stories to write ahead.  That is my focus:  SEIZE & CAPTURE EACH DAY until all things fall together again… yes, one day at a time with all the people who are with me now.

2022 is a decision to make: "I choose to be HAPPY"

In 2022, I will stop making long list of resolution to avoid or change.  Rather, I will narrow down my passion into 1-2 things that I want to HAPPEN!  ... Something wonderful to write about 😊 ... Something that will inspire others 😃

"I am ready, 2022!"

         Roxanne 
(Welcome Reflections for 2022)

ROLL OUT OF THE DEEP

 (09/11 Reflections)

I feel restlessness or discontentment in my heart.

I feel something is lacking; or wanting.  There is a void space urging to be filled up.

I cannot exactly articulate the fidgety; but I feel there is a brewing search inside.  An unexplainable “stirring” in my heart.

Yet, a big chunk of my brain also says to REST.  “Slow down.  Keep still … No! Do not jump yet but take in the moment.  For PATIENCE is a virtue that rings loudly in my head.”

After all, I just had my biggest LOSS this year … Mom! Not certain if I am ready for a gear change yet after such?  Cannot say If I am emotionally charged up to take my ground back again, even if I miss all the rides, the awesome ups & downs, that make up what LIFE is all about. 

For Y2021 threw me off-guard really BIGTIME, indeed (and so were others, too).  I believe this pause is to grieve … or to simply be safe (for all mankind) and wait for normalcy from this pandemic.

So, I am taking it real slow; keeping FAITH that “life would never cease to be huge ahead of me”. That it will remain vibrant as I momentarily simmer down.  For, probably, there are many BIG things out there for grab.  But, no, what is mine must probably wait … for now.

“So, let me take in the silence of the moment, then.  Ah, ironically, to bask in this solitude I always secretly wished for, long time ago, but never tried hard ever to seek before?  Now, the said stillness is here, whether by chance or, probably, by fate finding its place in my life.  So, enjoy the PRESENCE and, soon, bit by bit, I will be ready to roll out of the deep”.

Gray

        Life-changing events bring us, inevitably, to a period of our lives filled with gamut of emotions.

        I call that - "the shade of GRAY".

       The times when "losses, failures, health scare or even wrath of nature"  throw us "off-guard", weak and defeated.  We cling on to hope but our sight is blurred with fright.  We believe in the "light"; yet, darkness lurks around.  "There's black and white swirling everywhere". We become completely LOST; we simply can't comprehend what to do but CRY. 

        That's "GRAY!"

        My Mom used to say, "You cannot serve 2 masters, daughter.  Nor can you live in two moments, too?  Either you're happy or sad.  Fight mode or flight!"

        "BUT... I personally learned, it is OK to be GRAY.  Though, just for a temporary phase.  To wail, to curse, to revolt about the unpleasantries.  To drink senselessly and fall into a night of slumber, if we must.  To hide, stay oblivious to any sense; and  remain uninspired.  To feel the trap and frailties of our being human...

        But, wait!  We must never make it last.  We also stay in the beauty of GRAY moment to reflect, ponder and prepare!  To pick up the shattered pieces and, then, charge up to make a whole stand!"

        We cannot stay GRAY... that's the point.  Sooner or later, we must discard the worn-out baggages & pack up anew.  We must move forward to the lighted path.  Otherwise, all gray always turn black.  And, the dark alley can swallow us up. 

        So, stay GRAY for sometime.  It is part of HEALING.  But know when not to be STUCK.

        "LET GO of the gray clouds.  Welcome the myriad COLORS of our life"

Just thinking,

Roxanne

LIGAYA ANG ITAWAG MO SA AKIN ("Call Me Joy")

 Eulogy For Mom

(Read before the Mass Offered For The Repose of the Soul of Ligaya C. Roque)

She is our MAMU…

She would always be remembered as a GORGEOUS woman

• Charito Solis – Look alike
• Complexion - porcelain clear
• Hair - Luscious, wavy, light brown, sometimes, straight, frizzy or curl
• Teeth – always glistened; beaming from red, vibrant smiles that were generous to all
  
• Eyes – they’re round, piercing, but when you look into them, she endeared you with all her emotions
  
• Voice – oh goodness, such a lovely pitch, no one sang “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” as effortlessly as Mamu
  
• And when she spoke, whether in Tagalog, English, Ilokano … she remained demure, soft, yet teeming with substance
• Whenever she walked, dressed up, or graced any occasion, she always stood out in the crowd without even trying
• ‘Yan si ATE LILY, MOTHER LILY, TITA LILY, LIGAYA
• Dignified, classy, regal…

 

But she was not just a pretty face, she was a BRILLIANT lady

• Witty, street-smart, fast-learner
• Spent most of her life as a CAREER WOMAN but, mind you, never an absentee Mom
• She travelled, at some point, because she was always recognized for her excellent performance
• Her superiors praised her; She always ended up, not just an Executive Assistant, but a CONFIDANTE to them & their families
• Her peers respected her for such skill
• And as they say, “Put Mother Lily in any situation, she evolved”
• Mingle her with any class & nationality, and, she blended well with anyone
• She was just so versatile, self-reliant person; Spoke “mind of her own”
• There was no hint of insecurity with her aura; Hence, immensely “TRUSTED” in her field
• And, even after retirement, Mamu never lost her mental alertness
• At age 82, “Sorry, guys”, she never relinquished the title …your FACEBOOK QUEEN
• That’s our Ligaya!

But MORE than anything, she was a WIFE and a MOTHER

• But, again, an EXTRAORDINARY ONE
• As a wife, she assumed a “bread winner role” in the mid of her marriage to Arch Bienvenido Roque
• She became, ultimately,  Dad’s sole REASON TO LIVE while battling with his “illness”
• Their partnership taught me what “MARRIAGE” is, what “commitment to one person” really should be!
• But, at the same time, she was a mother,
• A truly EXTRA SPECIAL one to be able to love, nurture a child with “cerebral palsy” … My Ate!
• (“Samahan mo pa ng dalawang nagkukunwaring NORMAL … ako at si Kuya!”)
• Then, you know, how TOUGH it was for her as a mother… both physically & spiritually
• But she was the family’s amazing “ROCK”
• No one, not Dad, not Ate, ever felt they were burden to her
• She was simply filled with love and sense of responsibility
• She made us all feel … “NOTHING was ever wrong or dysfunctional!”
• We were perfect as we were…
• Truly, she was our Ligaya!

 

But family to Mamu is NOT JUST “US”, her immediate circle

• Family, to her, is about relatives & friends, 2^nd, 3^rd or more in consanguinity
• That we must constantly connect with
• Mamu called for “communing, celebrating, gathering even for smallest reason”
• She loved reunions; Hated missing a single one!
• She always reminded me, “Find time, ‘Tan! Ang mga apo ko! Dapat kilala nila pinsan nila, titas nila, titos, ninongs, ninangs.  When times get rough, PAMILYA ang tinatakbuhan”
• Words that proved how much she valued FAMILY TIME
• But she went beyond that…
• She also believed Family is not just about “blood-relations”
• But FRIENDS, as well;  Oh, how she loved meeting up with them regularly!
• Dining out, window-shopping … or simply Messenger chatting
• And she continuously made NEW ONES even in her late age …
• Her people skills were so exceptional … “She is such a PEOPLE-PERSON”, she took in anyone & everyone… EVEN MY OWN FRIENDS!”
• In fact, one friend said, “Di ko na nga maalala kung sino talaga ang friend ko, Rox, eh.  Kung ikaw? O si MAMU?”
• Showbiz talaga siya! Mother Lily, indeed!

 

 

But, FOR ME, Mamu was my MENTOR

• Do you know that, as early as my formative years, I already knew what “corporate playground” is?
• I mastered alpahabet A-Z by filing office records & tinkering with the electric type-writer
• I memorized 1-10 by playing with office elevators & the PABX telephone system
• Some Saturdays, during her “over-time”, I looked forward to playing as her “OFFICE ASSISTANT”
• She introduced me to a place which, she said, would bring me to WONDROUS DESTINATIONS & make me RICH
• That’s the BRITISH LIBRARY in New Manila
• There, she let me spend hours, exploring shelves of books, while she waited outside
• Until now, friends, I still go to libraries!… SEEKING answers from books & writings
• And, still believing “YAYAMAN DIN AKO”… SOMEDAY!

 

Most importantly, in tandem with Mama Deng (her closest BILAS who took me in as her own), Mamu served as my great SPEECH THERAPIST

• (“As you all know, I grew up with speech difficulty.  BULOL 😜!”)
• Some nights, after picking me up from Mama Deng’s place,
• Even if I was already in tantrums, tired & wanted to just sleep
• She would still make me TALK, TALK, TALK!
• Narrating stories of the day … ONE AFTER ANOTHER until I pleased her
• Only then, would we go to sleep…
• I realized she was doing therapy with me
• At the end, she did straighten my “crooked” tounge … but, probably, unaware she also made a STORY-TELLER out of me
• Now, you understand, why I am like this… “WHY I TALK ENDLESSLY?!!!”
• Blame it on our Ligaya!

 

Mamu was also my TALENT MANAGER

• Growing up until my teens, my summers were filled with activities
• She arranged lessons, community work, contests … “Minsan, may pa-beau-con pa!!!”
• I got exasperated sometimes …
• But I realized after, it was not about winning.  She exposed me to the “GIFT OF SELF-DISCOVERY & MASTERY!”.  A technique I now use in my profession.

But, Mamu’s biggest role in my life is being my husband’s & chlidren’s DEFENSE LAWYER & PROTECTOR

• Even when I got wrapped up in my own busy world;
• I never feared any;  knowing “No one can ever mess up with my household!”
• Because Ligaya guarded them with all might

 

But truly, she is my SOUL MATE

• My Guide, My Joy
• My shock-absorber, My sounding-board
• My ever-reliable friend
• The voice, during my dark times, reminding me of 3 valuable LIFE MOTTOS:
  
•       QUE SERA SERA (Whatever will be, will be!”)
•       HAKUNA MATATA (It means worry-free) … And her most favorite…
  
•       MOVE ON … Always move on
  
• Every time she uttered those encouraging phrases, she always brought “LIGHT & JOY” to whatever predicament I was in.

 

So, in summary, do you want to know the SECRET to Mamu’s LONG WELL-LIVED LIFE?

Amazingly simple! … Mamu is a child of God who learned how to LIVE IN THE “MOMENT” given her, GRATEFUL for all that came her way, and faithfully LETTING GO to God those that were beyond her control.  Something, I am yet to follow …

 

I will miss my Ligaya … but I believe God just granted her “BIGGER, MAJESTIC WINGS” so she can fly faster to me whenever I need her.

 

I still cry a lot, yes, because of the longingness that comes in waves, but every tear I shed, I assure you, reminds me of how BLESSED, PROUD & PRIVILEGED I am to have had a “GLIMPSE OF HEAVEN’S JOY ON EARTH” because, in my lifetime, my EARTH ANGEL, is LIGAYA!

 

Lily's Lucky Girl,

Roxanne 
(Whom She Fondly Called "My Tatan")

Miracle Seeker

 I cannot fathom how my close relatives were able to get a priest administer the rites of "Anointing of the Sick" to my Mom on an Easter Sunday (April 4, 2021, Manila time); and amidst the restrictions of a locked-down city.  It can only be paved by a Divine Hand so I will bear witness.  Praise you, God!

When I called her up today, she sat up.  They said she has just taken 1 whole egg.  She even blew me a "flying kiss".

I asked where it still hurts but she nodded "none"?  They said after the priest's "blessing" yesterday, she finally got to sleep 3 hours straight in between her waking time to take her meds.  That is a relief since a week of physical ordeal. 

I know, the "health challenge" at her age is not yet over.  I am aware things remain uncertain but, I believe, a miracle has just been unfolded before my very eyes.  And TODAY, that is enough for me to understand God's plan... 

"There is still so much to learn about LIFE and my AUTHOR's mysterious ways..."

But I got some answers to my "whys?"

1.  When we love, our situations need not be perfect.  The state of our loved ones need not be perfect, too. The whole thing may not be what we want or expect. Oh, why do we ask for so much, indeed?  The truth is - in every waking day; in ever fleeting moment that is still given us to connect, reach out, say "I love you" ... is, in fact, the MIRACLE!

2.  And in this everyday miracle, we must be ready to PROCLAIM.  For "THIS TIME", this exact moment with our loved one, is, actually, the precious GIFT!

So, dearly beloved, I bear witness to write, share, and proclaim my awe! For even this mission is, I know, HIS plan...

To God be the Glory...

Thank you for this special Easter Gift!

I believe ... Roxanne 

  

Winning Each Day - Me & My Global Digital Business”

 

        “To be a first time business owner can be fun & easy”. 

        It’s true!  I am learning so much about entrepreneurship when I made the decision to be a Digital Business Owner.

   Even with limited knowledge, I discovered we can start our own side hustle or business right away without compromising our current field of expertise or traditional businesses.  For me, all it took was to watch a FREE WEBINAR and now I am reaping all its personal and financial rewards; on top of being able to keep  my beloved profession 💓. "It is a blessing, indeed!"

        So, to pay back, let me inspire you to do the same and discover for yourself the joys of owning a Digital Business.  By watching its free webinar, you will learn about an amazing platform, the latest trend in Online Entrepreneurship, which is a good opportunity for first-time entrepreneurs.  It will teach you about Digital Business as a source of income you can take anywhere, attend to anytime you want (yes, at your own desired pace), while you learn, enjoy and earn from it. 

     All automated trainings and personalized coaching sessions are made available to help newbies succeed in this business.   So, to you, my dearest FRIENDS, who are seeking or dreaming a FRESH START, go for the WEBINAR.  Just watch it & learn how to be a Digital Business Owner quite easily! 

    Visit my website www.roxannev.com, sign up and you are on your own discovery.  It is never too late!  Learning something new is an ADRENALIN RUSH!  You may also send me an email at info@roxannev.com and let's chat some more 😊👍

     Together, let us “Discover the Excitement of owning a Global Digital Business” and WIN each day!

Yours Truly,

Roxanne V

PS:  Just had my 1st Anniversary as a Digital Business Owner.  I am proud & happy so I am writing this tribute to "Courageous SELF" and sharing to spread GOOD VIBES ... as always!

F.A.A. vs 2020 - We Made It!

 (A Year-End Reflection)

       

         I still do not know what Y2021 would bring.  If there is anything I learned the hardest in Y2020, that is, no matter how much you plan ahead, there is still 80% of this so-called LIFE that is beyond anyone’s strategic plan & control.  A huge part of it brings real “SURPRISES”, both good and bad.  And it takes  “F.A.A.” to survive it through --- FAITH, AGILITY, ADAPTABILITY.  A lesson I RE-LEARNED in 2020!

        “Indeed, there is really no comfort zone to keep; or permanent ideals to lean on at all.  In a minute, all these can change…”

        Oh YES!!! Y2020 was a tough, onerous year! There had been rugged years before but NOTHING like this yet.  Why? Is it because of the calamities that came one after the other, aha! Or the pandemic which scared the nerve out of us, very true! But, I think, most of all, it is about how the whole world stopped for a moment; knocking down its traditional beliefs and ways which served as our compass for so long; throwing us towards new rules, new ways, new behavior; forcing us to let go of all we built painstakingly in the past; only to start our way of LIFE all over again … on a clean slate!  Then, again, surviving with the “unknown” one day at a time … is the hardest…

        Nonetheless, all these “new searches” unexpectedly led to some blessings, too, such as:

• ·       More meaningful work
• ·       New passion and sources of livelihood
• ·    Simpler but more peaceful life-pace that enhanced most precious “relationships” --- to God & family 

        Thus, as I shifted my thoughts & feelings away from my old “wirings”, then, only then! I started comprehending the relevance of Y2020 to our history.  It is hard, indeed, but probably, I realize, it is a phase we all need to go through.  Probably, there had been “signs” leading to human atrophy that we have been missing for so long; we just didn’t know them.  And like many stories in the Bible, we needed God to step in.  And, certainly, HIS divine intervention was felt in our lives through many and thousand forms!

        This time, hopefully, we LEARN & NOT FORGET anymore.

        So, what’s now? 

        I still don’t know.  As a friend shared, none of today’s challenges will magically go away as Y2020 ends.  All the so-called “unpredictability” and “struggles” may stay.  Thus, we should remain steadfast with our F.A.A.

        But, as a personal resolute, I just want to open myself to understanding God’s plan more and the role I must play in his grand Holy Will.  I want to be more attentive, intuitive … discerning of HIS will.

        As a child of God, I continuously beg for his mercy and thank him for his unfaltering faithfulness to my well-being; and that of my family, too.  I pray that he continuously showers us with healthy mind & body; blesses & secures our jobs; and, most of all, keeps us connected all the time, physically or virtually.

        As a believer, I pray for an EASY, PEACEFULL, PROSPEROUS Y2021 … Dream on, as they would say; but, I know, “what I BELIEVE IN & BUILD in my mind will SHAPE the things to come”.  My FAITH, positive & strong, will fulfill the HOPES & DREAMS for this new year!  

        So, Welcome Y2021 … here’s to another beginning!!!

Roxanne 2021