So, Then , They Fall… One By One

 (All families go through moments of grief. My thoughts on losing, grieving and moving on)

When The Branches Fall…
Of the Only TREE you know
One by one
The pain, the loss, is same and strong

When The Branches Fall…
You always wonder what’s next to this TREE
The one you grew up with;
The one that kept you dreaming through these years

When The Branches Fall…
It is lonely to begin moving on…
Keeping your place … Waving the leaves
And believing, you are not alone???

BUT When the Branches Fall…
Remember, they’re never lost…
On ground, they join your roots
Sending love and memories so you grow more … and more!

 

So stay strong … Branch out
Keep the greatness of the family’s TREE
When They Fall, as seasons change
It is now your TIME to take their place ….

By RRV

LOVE when it is SPIC & SPAN

 (A Tribute to Tita Nena)

“It might be really hard to leave someone you love so much behind; specially, your children”

Tita Nena’s life, to me, is a success story of someone whose “Love” triumphs over fleeting health or even death. I cannot fathom the harsh moments she went through. But I did witness the fortitude, the grit and the unwavering faith to stay on, one day at a time, for those she dearly held in her heart.

I would say Tita Nena embodied a somewhat fairy-tale life story. You see, when a beautiful girl, like Nena, hails from a barrio (Victoria, Tarlac), goes to the big city (Manila), marries the “man of her dreams”, then, soon raises a beautiful family, beautifies & keeps a “kingdom” of her own (I remember at Dapitan, then, later on, at Fairview, where me and my cousins spent lovely summers together), with such a fabulous garden she maintains with passion, ahhh, that is such a success life story of a MOTHER and a WIFE.

But for us, who grew up with Tita Nena, I learned that to keep all of these “SPIC & SPAN” at a lifetime, nothing can ever be a fairy-tale. For my Tita, it took a lot of work; a lot of skills; a lot of patience to win over the threatening nuisances of life. Like with her gardening, one must always be vigilant to keep the “peace”. Certainly, only a woman of virtues can live this way.

With her, I witnessed exceptional organizational skills of a great home-maker. I also saw a strong personality that exercised “tough love” to express truth, from her perspectives. This was her way of teaching us, her youngsters; of helping us grow; of hoping to make things right for her family. But, most of all, she showed me what a “woman of FAITH” is.

With just that, she is, indeed, a story of SUCCESS.

Yet, even at the late stage of her life, she awed me more with so much HUMAN STRENGTH. Suffering with Parkinson’s disease for 20 years and, then, with a rare case of cancer which was with nil chance of treatment at her age of 79 … I don’t know? I always wondered, “how can a woman withstand all these? “Where does she get her fighting spirit?” And, yet, whenever I visited her, she knew ME and her LOVED ONES by heart …

I know it is but LOVE … For, just like in her lifetime, it was LOVE for FAMILY that always helped her triumph over all the hurdles.

Again, I say, “It must have been harder for her to leave her children and family than the health pains … it must have been heavier at heart unless she knows everything would be SPIC & SPAN”.

So to my cousins, who are grieving now, I guess, your Mom, my Tita Nena, finally, knew the day has come. Everything is in order. You and I are ready. She now can rest in peace …

“Go and have a wonderful reunion with our beloved ones in Heaven now, Tita Nena. We will keep our lives SPIC & SPAN to make you proud. Pray for our journey as you look down from heaven above us …

Your Tatan

Self Love

(On Mother's Day)

If you didn’t send me flowers

Or forgot to write me a poem

Or sing me greeting songs

It’s ok! It’s still gonna be my Day!

I will sleep as much as I want

Sneak out my chocolate cake

Enjoy a salon treat

And excitedly, splurge for that dress!!!

I may choose a quieter time, too

Like smell the lavenders by my yard

Dust off my book to sit and read

Or bring out that jounal to simply fill it in…

Regardless, it will be MY DAY

For though, I’m grateful for all your cheers and treats

I realized it is “I” who must

Truly LOVE & CHERISH ME

So, loved ones, I will take this break

Give myself a “Mother’s Day”

I will pause … rest … care

Because I LOVE ME

For a strong woman

Never waits for HAPPINESS to be brought in

I create it, I inspire it

So when YOU need it … I have lots to give

MOM

Ninang (Godmother)

(A Tribute to Andrea Pilar Burgos)

          Kumusta ka” (“How are you?”)… Was always her greeting to me whenever I saw her.

         But the thing is I always suspected she, actually, knew everything about me, long before I start explaining things.  She was close to Mamu (who is my Mom since they were cousins).  And Mamu undoubtedly always spilled the bean first (imagine my eyes rolling now).   Nonetheless, even if she knew, Ninang would still ask “Kumusta ka?” – giving me that “special space” to be myself.

         In my lifetime, I had been sheltered and guided by strong women.  Ninang was one of them.

        She was not the typical God-mother most fairy tale books talk about.  But she was the kind who was REAL.  Present and felt on Christmases, New Years, Birthdays, name it!  I But I experienced Ninang more during the times my family “needed family”.   And these were my growing up memories of her!  She comforted Mom and offered help, especially if it concerned me.  She took me in her house during my College days.  She helped me land into my first real job as well (at the Bureau of Internal Revenue) so I can start charting my career path.  I saw and felt her presence in most major events of my life… especially, when guidance mattered most. 

        Her words “Kumusta ka” marked strong impact on me, as a woman!  Those are words of assurance.  Those are emblems of warmth & kindness from someone who is just waiting for you to open up and seek out.  It is very subtle way of saying, “I’m here; I’m part of your life; You’re never alone”.  How blessed I had been!

         Few days ago, Ninang reunited with my other beloved departed in Heaven.  But her memories will always remind me of what she always stood for… “To be significantly present in someone else’s life”.  Hence, I will never forget, “I have a Ninang … somewhere and always!”

         So, no farewells.  Until that time when you ask me again “Kumusta ka?”.  I will make sure you will be PROUD of what I will fill you in.

         Rest now, Ninang … and be at PEACE  🙏

Your Inaak (Godchild),

Tatan

I SAW MOM

The bus passed by and there was a fleeting reflection of her

I cannot be mistaken of her stand

Of the way she tilted her head when she was impatient

Of the way she wrapped her scarf around her to stay warm

I felt a clutch in my heart … I know I saw her there!

 

It happened last week…

Then, there was that goosebump again

When I was staring up a store display

And across the other glass panel, I saw her again

Standing with her back on me!  She seemed to be looking up the same display; just the way she used to amuse herself? 

 

Probably, it is because I think of her a lot, I told myself?

But, then, again, I was reading my book this time

And when I raised my head, closed my eyes to rest

At the first side-glance of the window pane, I saw that expression of her

When she was tired and bored; oh, the way she heaved a sigh … no! my eyes were tired?

 

But then, one time, I was washing the dishes

Suddenly, melancholy ran over me

I wondered over my hands … oh, how they’ve changed through the years

Yet, they reminded me so much of someone else’s

Someone whose hands used to give me courage and warmth

No, it can’t be.  These are my hands … but why I do I feel their Mom’s?

 

I kept all these musings inside me … for I don’t believe in haunting

Or illusion.  This is just me and my mind always running wild

But, funny, at dinner time, my son opened up

My daughter gave her thoughts;  My husband said his piece

I only said, “That’s it! Then, you can move on”. 

They hysterically laughed. They said I sounded like their “Grandma”

 

That night, I looked at the mirror approvingly

Saw some gray hairs I’ve grown but always colored

Some wrinkles I have earned but managed so far

I know she was staring back at me with those lovely, piercing eyes

Saying, ‘You’re aging more and more like me, my child”

“Yes, Mom”.  And, I know it’s not YOU.  It’s but me keeping your memories ALIVE!

Just a child missing her Mom, 

Roxanne

(Aka Tatan)

Golden Time

 

If growing old …
Means being able to catch the sunrise and sunset together
Then, let’s hop on this golden age bandwagon.
And start our “Yee-haw..howdy” ride of a lifetime.

If growing old …
Means discovering there are real deserts out there,
And snow-capped peaks
And beautiful rolling hills (inhale…exhale, catch breath!)
And … splash on late-night Jacuzzis
Aside a bottle of wine; above there’s the starry skies
“Gee, let’s start hoarding colorful bikinis for real!”

If growing old …
Means taking pictures of people & places we only heard of
Or singing, dancing imperfectly to whatever tune
Yet, can still bellow so much fun!
Or indulge over a chase of vodka, tequila, rose’
And still come out “posh and wise”?
“Wow, this age is a liberation, indeed!”

If growing old means…
Finding realities to some fantasies
Discovering things beyond our dreams
Playing and letting the child in us run free
Learning again to love “ourselves” harder and tougher
To pray “THANKS!” vigilantly more than ever
Then… we know … golden clear

This, my love, is what golden time is!