The Love Story of My Pandesal

 (Tribute to my beloved Dad's 28th Year Death Remembrance)

CONFESSION

This love story has been waiting to be published for years (like three years over-due in the oven).  In fact, I have re-drafted it multiple times; though, the message never altered.  It was "locked down" in thoughts for so long because the bread never came out ready ... 😃.  "The baking struggle was real".

DOWN THE MEMORY LANE

"Why do we need to walk this far every morning if it only makes you feel winded (or "out of breath"), Dad?", the 7-year old me observed. 

"I need to, anak (daughter)", Dad uttered each word in between his heavy breaths.

"But why do we have to? Please, Dad, let's just ask someone to buy the PANDESAL for us", I complained.

He smiled and touched my head, "Don't you worry, anak! You see, I really want to walk.  I want to exercise my heart every day so I can spend more time with you".... 💓💓💓

MY LIFE WITHOU HIM

Those were the "fondest", "cheesy-iest"... yet, also, the "heaviest" childhood memories I have of Dad.  His "heart" always disturbed me during my growing up years.  It was like a ticking time bomb my little praying hands tried best to suppress for as long as I can.  However, at a young age of 22, I lost him, just the same.  I guess, that was simply how far my prayers could go.

Thus, his untimely demise was truly the "most heart-breaking" experience for me; but, it was also the ultimate "turning point" to my adulthood.  After that loss, I swear I strove the hardest to serve justice to his lifetime -- no matter how short or fleeting it seemed to be.  Somehow, I made a personal vow  that "what I would become after losing him", would be the living proof of his entire life's legacy.  His death, I said, would be my life compass.  

So, whenever I see Pandesal, I remember "him" and my promise! But when my family migrated to the U.S, I hardly found bread rolls close to what I was used to (Pinoy cravings!). And with every frustration is a feeling of "homesickness" for my country ... and for those "loving years" with my father.  Thus, for 3 years now, I got obsessed with all "Pandesal" recipes.  But, I never came close to a success.  "Just  epic baking failures; one after the other".

Until I mused, that, just like Dad's morning gait, every struggle is a time well-spent.  And every try can eventually lead to one's perfect serving... "Tiwala lang sa sarili hehehe".

So, here's the closest I can go ... my own "Pandesal" (which is, actually, more of a "monay".  But what the heck? I got that familiar aroma I missed so long...)

Cravings fulfilled!)  

Cheers to you, Dad,

Tatan

To my readers:  Cheesy, huh?! But always remember that, with every childhood memory we honor, lies stories of a rich family tradition of love! 

So, how 'bout you?  What bread story do you have ;-)?

A Mom Never Asks...

My Tribute To Adelaida Roque (Mama Deng)

To write about her, for the reason I have to and, of all times, now, at this very unusual period of lock-down, social distancing, pandemic ... truly sucks so bad, I do not how to start?

But, in honor, of her GREAT LIFE and LOVE that could conquer era, space and time, I give this ... even if IT HURTS SO BAD.

Mama Deng, thank you.  Please don't worry.  It is your turn now to be truly HAPPY, knowing all of us you've taken good care of have turned out well.  We will not fail you. So go on ... FOLLOW THE LIGHT! As you have passionately dotted over us during our younger years, now, our prayers will see you through!

A MOM NEVER ASKS…

I had so many why’s

I had migraine

Tryin’ to figure it out

But then, I now know why

Coz you’ve never asked…

You never impose on any of us!

Just like when were small

You never asked any at all…

You were happy doing all chores

So your little ones enjoy their toys!

You were Mama Deng

The “Second Mom” to us all

You loved ‘Te Will so much

But your love was shared with us all

And until we have grown

You & Papa Erning filled the void

You were there in all our adult moments

Never asking … but just to be called!

And until your last days

In our lives, you chose we just go on…

You still didn’t impose

Somewhere, probably, you’ll still watch over us ,after all?

Your Cryin' Baby, Tatan

A Small HR Voice Reflecting

As I think about the threats of COVID-19 widespread, I can’t help but view things from a Human Resource (HR) Management perspective (I have been wired to think this way for so long; forgive me!).  

And ignite readiness among us so that we, its practitioners, can aid in the appropriate correction of things after this alarming hiatus of our generation.

When we were thrown unexpectedly from our busy “normal” life, I began to ask the “what’s” and the “why’s” that led us here.  And began challenging the way we have managed our daily lives --- yes, the manner by which seemingly we have inflicted undue conflict between “doing our businesses”, which, actually consume 70% of our time, as against how we are “living our lives” as genuine human beings? 

I am now with a non-profit agency, serving the “poorest of the poor”, as our mission upholds it, and I am exactly in the “heart of the chaos” where, as a first-hand witness to the disturbing pleas yet, likewise, significant victories of fierce social workers, I can only stand at awe over the strength of the human spirit.  Ahh, the modern-day heroes of our times.  I listen; I counsel; I serve them, within the “comforts” of my home; while they give hope every day to those infected and / or still exposed to this “virus”; every single moment risking their lives.   I believe something is so wrong in this set-up; yet, I am, likewise, aware of my responsibilities to distant myself.  Believe me, to serve someone under the context of “social distancing” is so NEW; it totally bothers & freaks me out, somehow!

Thus, the troubling times sipped in and I began pondering, “where do we, HR, bring our people after this experience?”.  Surely, “they” & “us” will never be the same amidst this horrendous “wake up call”!

Sure!  We will never cease to HIRE, TRAIN, REWARD employees so they can achieve their dreams…  but can we put a stop to this RAT-RACE lifestyle?

I had been &, ironically, until now, am still a victim & an advocate of this vicious life struggle!  But, if we haven’t realized yet, amidst a “rat-race” culture is a detrimental neglect to the order of care & mindful respect; hurting balance of time, environment & relationships.  It breathes competition, healthy at first, but would pave for endless clash between & within people themselves.  It springboards people so fast from one place to another; driving them to mindless calibration of tasks, goals, plans that will always be more than they can handle.  It restlessly traps them in loops of phones, laptops, gadgets, cars, planes which successfully connect them, yet, disintegrate them?  Rat-race makes them ALL, (oh! I mean all of US), invincible; unstoppable; greedily searching for more.  At the end, we become unaware of our anxious spirits, tired and disturbed core.  We are always present; yet, “detached” … and lost?!

Now that the world stops for a while, I am brought back to highlighting the essential needs of workers:

• ·       Good Health
• ·       Basic Needs (Food, Shelter, Decent Buying Power)
• ·       Genuine Connection to Man’s Longevity … that which nourishes His Soul (Loved Ones, Nature, God)

I fear if not thwarted exponentially, this threat can always come back in a mutated form, more dreadful, more damaging economically … and spiritually…

I am clueless to my ponderings now! I am just going circles with my reverie’ … but I hope I ignite one soul to help us seek where we must evolve as “champions of the people”.  Yes, to be the first catalyst of change in possibly "best mind-set & human behavior"?

I am just one tiny, weeny voice.  But global organizations, like the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), Coaches Federations, etc., or even local HR / Employee - service groups, must re-think ways and provide agenda that will finally answer the gap between “earning a living” and “truly living a life”.  I know it is too much a burden to put on us because such should be, in the first place, even world-wide government and religious goals.

But who is it that they say should “put the people first” in the workplace?

So, I pose the question to HR and all organization leaders (who are HR in their own rights), “Where do we bring the workers… from here? 

Thinking … worried … hopeful,

Roxanne